


So Nothing's Left Unturned

by WhatMoreIsThereToSay



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-07-04 20:16:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15848583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatMoreIsThereToSay/pseuds/WhatMoreIsThereToSay
Summary: Woojin learned over the course of years that Bang Chan is an amazing friend, but that he will only ever be such. Thus, Woojin has learned to love him as a friend, and despite Chan not feeling quite the same way that he does Woojin knows that his life would be duller without Chan. And Kim Woojin has learned to love other boys.Bang Chan, over the course of years, has learned that he is undeniably in love with Kim Woojin.





	1. Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> First fic in the fandom!! (except drabbles and bullet fics?? those 1/2 count)  
> Will update (albeit irregularly) but in all honesty... the more you comment the more motivated I am. Do with that what you will.

Bang Chan was an enigma. When they met, he was a bright eyed student with big dreams and an even bigger heart-- Woojin would never cease to be surprised at his capacity to love. Woojin worked in a place called Rosetta Cafe, a new-age coffee shop squashed in between an overpriced boutique and an insurance office right across the street from BYG Entertainment’s headquarters. They boasted fair trade beans, overpriced lattes, and a house blend that one of BYG’s idols once claimed as his favorite (Woojin wondered if the owner had put him up to it, but never asked). His manager was a bit of a hardass, but she like Woojin enough that he could get away with most things. He worked mostly with upperclassmen, so by the time he’d been there a year he was the only one who hadn’t graduated. He helped train all of the new people, helped keep the kids in line, so she let him tease her and joke around. 

Chan was an intern at the time, a Devil Wears Prada style intern, though he insisted the producers he worked under were kind to him. Still, he’d come over to the coffee shop with 12 orders and a company card, climb on a bar stool, and slump over while the boys behind the counter laughed at him and fulfilled the order. Bang Chan had ambitions, and he was going to work as hard as necessary to achieve his dreams. Woojin always snuck him a latte on the house, a cluster of hearts and a message of encouragement scrawled on the cup. 

Their campus wasn’t small but it was small enough that despite being in totally different degree programs Woojin recognized Chan the first time he came in. He’d seen the boy around campus, possibly even in lectures their first semester when everybody was forced to enroll in Western Civ or Embodying Pluralism or whatever other bullshit humanities courses offered a 25% chance of being interesting. Come to think of it, Woojin wished Chan had been in his SOC:1200 class “Society as We Know It.” His dry humor alongside the fact that he was incredibly smart and thoughtful would have made that class much more fun. 

It’s not that Woojin didn’t enjoy discussion-based classes that delved into the nuances of the collective experience of life and the human condition-- it was that cramming 45 students into a space and hollering “DISCUSS” yielded awkward silence and the occasional “I thought the assertion that only by distinguishing ourselves from one another can we be unified was interesting…” There was no depth to the discussion, no humor mixed in, no life in the discussion about life! Woojin wanted to write books, spin words into the lives of characters with diverse experiences who existed to give actual lives to society and psychology and queer theory. Woojin wanted to talk about experiences, he wanted to write about real things so that people would read his books and think maybe I’m not alone. Kim Woojin had ambitions too. 

But Kim Woojin didn’t think he was an enigma. He was easy going, and he tended to know what he wanted. Sometimes he wasn’t bold enough to go for it, but this wasn’t one of those times. Soon after he first met the then 19 year old BYG Entertainment intern, Woojin asked Chan out for coffee. 

At first, Chan had laughed at him. “Aren’t you sick of coffee?”

Never, Woojin had replied. He didn’t drink a ton outside of work, actually, but he loved it when he did. He loved the smell, the different blends and drinks they made. He was beginning to learn how to do latte art on for here orders like some of his coworkers. 

Woojin wasn’t particularly flirty but he liked Chan a lot, and that made him bold. He grinned and offered to take Chan to dinner instead, which had the boy backpedaling.   
“That’s too much, coffee would be great! I’ll get some time off on Thursday, that’s your day off right?” They planned to meet outside of a different coffee shop-- Woojin told him he’d never hear the end of it from the other guys if they came to Rosetta. 

Woojin thought he was pretty clear-- still, Chan showed up to the cafe with their friend Han Jisung in tow. It took a second but Woojin regained his composure and, to his knowledge, neither of his friends gave a second thought to his surprise. 

“Hey, I found this kid on my way here and I told him I was meeting you. I didn’t know you two knew each other!” 

“Yeah, we met in a writing workshop I taught last summer, but I thought you were back at home? Are you taking classes here already?” 

“No, but I’m visiting the campus. I’ve been shadowing producers and writers at BYG for the last couple months, that’s where I met Chan. I think I’m going to try and get an internship.” Jisung grinned at him as he pulled the teen into a hug. He was a bubbly kid, Woojin was sure he’d hold up well in a position like Chan’s. He had seemingly endless energy. 

“That’s great! I’m surprised I haven’t run into you, I work at the coffee shop right across the street.” 

“I’m only here on Thursdays, Chan said it’s your day off?” Woojin sent a small smile Chan’s way. 

“Ahh, that makes sense. Well let me buy you coffee and we can catch up, yeah? I haven’t seen you in months.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Jisung said, reaching for his wallet, but Woojin stopped him. 

“Let me treat you! Come on, pick whatever you want.”

Chan insisted on buying his own, on the other hand, and Woojin got the message-- Bang Chan wasn’t interested. 

When they left, Jisung ran ahead to catch a train out of the city, waving goodbye. Woojin and Chan took their time, dropping their empty cups in the trash, musing how Rosetta had better seating and  _ dear god _ somebody teach this place about temperature control. 

“We should do this again,” Chan said, and Woojin just stared at him for a second, searching for any hint of… understanding in his eyes. Before Chan’s smile wavered, though, Woojin smiled back. 

“Yeah, let me know when Jisung is going to be in town next! It was fun.”

The following week Woojin asked out boy from his Mechanics of Writing seminar who had been hinting at going to dinner for weeks, and for the next couple years he bounced from one two month long relationship to the next. He dated sweet boys, kind boys, talented and driven and successful boys-- nobody understood why his relationships never lasted, himself included. 

~~~~~

Kim Woojin was fascinating. From the moment Chan met him, that’s the best descriptor he could come up with. He was so incredibly insightful, so incredibly caring. Chan hated his job his first year of college-- fetching coffee and delivering mail, taking shit from everybody. And he did take it, with a smile and a joke in return. He let it all roll off of him because he knew he wasn’t going to be at the bottom of the food chain for forever, that he had to earn respect. He hated his job, but the baristas at Rosetta made coffee runs fun. It was the best part of his day and for months it’s the only thing that kept him going. 

When they told him he got the internship for the upcoming year, the actual internship where he would shadow and learn and create, Woojin was the first person he told. Thinking back on it, he wasn’t even sure Woojin would be there. He burst into the cafe with a giant grin and walked straight into a hug. A flood of emotions rocked him as he clung to Woojin, and he shoved down the flutter in his stomach-- he chalked it up to his relief and excitement about the new job. 

Two years later found Bang Chan sitting on a couch, drinking something neon pink, watching Woojin flirt with a new boy, trying to pinpoint the moment he fucked things up for himself.


	2. Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bang Chan is dense, Kim Woojin is soft, and Han Jisung Knows. What's. Up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited rip  
> halfway through I found a thing in part one that I sooooo wish I wrote differently but... I'm committed, we're going with it.  
> Apologies to Bang Chan, who I call dense 3 times and counting in this part~

At first he was clueless.

 

_Chan’s arms were wrapped around Woojin, his face buried in Woojin’s shoulder as the other boy laughed. “Channie, that's so great! Now some poor bastard is gonna be sent over here to bring you coffee instead.”_

 

_“God, I don’t ever have to balance 12 cups of coffee at once again. Or kick the elevator button because my hands are full. Or bring that idiot Park a croissant because ‘he switched to tea.’” Woojin rubbed his back and Chan let his eyes fall closed for a second. He felt such an incredible sense of relief._

 

_“Slow down there, you've still got 2 months of summer left,” Woojin cautioned, pulling away and causing Chan to take a step back and realize he was full on koala bear-ing the poor guy._

 

_“Yeah, they said they'd start training me on some stuff early though. Ease me in, let me do some shadowing. Plus I'll be training the new guys!”_

 

_He must have looked… mischievous, because Woojin’s expression turned disapproving. “You know if those kids show up and talk about what an asshole Bang Chan is I'm gonna get the dirt and then tell them all the embarrassing stories about you.”_

 

_“Fiiine, I'll be nice,” Chan said, winking._

 

_Woojin paused. “Hey, so you should let me take you out for coffee sometime. To celebrate.”_

 

_Chan wrinkled his nose. “Don’t you get tired of coffee?”_

 

_Woojin smirked. “Well, I could take you to dinner instead, if you'd prefer?”_

 

_“No, no no no,” Chan replied quickly, shaking his head. “That’s too much, I was just teasing. Here, or…?”_

 

_“Not here, no the guys would never let me live that down. How about that place on 6th Avenue, by the College of Pharmacy building?”_

 

_“Yeah, okay!” Chan looked down at his phone, noting the time. “I've gotta get back, but text me about the time and stuff. Thursday’s your day off right?”_

 

_“Yep, does that work?”_

 

_It was Chan’s turn to flash a suave smile. “I can make it work. I'll see you Thursday.”_

 

_If Chan would have been paying attention, if he wasn't dense and perhaps a touch sleep deprived, he might have noticed the pink in Woojin’s cheeks._

 

_He didn't._

 

_~~~~~_

 

Over the next week. Chan found himself looking forward to Thursday. Thinking about Thursday. Planning out Thursday. Just generally being excited about Thursday.

 

He'd have to go into work a little early and stay later than normal, but his bosses gladly granted him two hours off in the afternoon. To be honest he hadn't spent much one-on-one time with Woojin-- he was a little nervous. It was easy being in the cafe together because they were always caught up in the banter and the joking and the laughing that was almost constant with all the other boys-- Woojin was going to realize that Chan was actually pretty shy and not very funny. His horrible dad jokes and innuendos would come off abrasive and uncomfortable if they were alone. It's not that Chan wasn't a genuine person, he was just... anxious. In fact the more he thought about Thursday the more anxious he got-- partially the fear of messing things up and partially the fear of being truly himself around someone he admired. Thursday began to loom ominously ahead of him.

 

Chan’s closest friends tended to be his oldest friends. He didn’t make friends easily and he simply couldn’t bring himself trust new people. He got himself so worked up about things that he’d said, things they said, and his mind would take over. He would replay conversations in his head only to think up ways they could have been better, things he could have said that would be smoother or less embarrassing or more interesting. With his longtime friends he had overtime been able to take most of the pressure off, mostly by reinforcing over and over again how he didn’t _have_ to be interesting and smooth and not embarrassing around them. And when he did backslide, they’d freely offer the sort of validation that was exactly what he needed.

 

But new people were hard, and Woojin was new, and that made everything messy. Chan really liked him, really really liked him. It would have been much easier if Woojin was just a cute, funny barista; but he was sweet and kind and caring as well. He asked Chan about his day, fussed over him a bit on extra stressful days, and genuinely tried to take care of Chan where he could. It was a strange feeling, being taken care of by a friend, as Chan was the friend who took care of everybody. Sometimes he felt like he held the weight of them all on his shoulders, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything-- in turn, they held him up as well. Kim Woojin was refreshing in a way that Chan hadn’t experienced before, and he was terrified of fucking it up.

 

That’s why he latched on to none other than Han Jisung on Thursday.

 

“Hey, I haven’t told you. Uh, if you need me this afternoon I’ll have my phone on me, but I have to be out of here at 11:50 until about 2. I’m meeting a friend or coffee,” Chan told Jisung, sitting on the empty desk beside the high schooler.

 

“Oooh, a _boy_ friend?” Jisung replied, wiggling his eyebrows as he sorted through a giant stack of papers. Ahh, the joys of internship clerical duties.

 

“Haha, no.” Chan deadpanned. “Just a friend. You might have met him if they’ve sent you to get coffee over at Rosetta? Kim Woojin?”

 

Jisung smirked. “They don’t send me to get coffee anymore. One time I dropped an entire tray in the BYG lobby. Right on someone’s expensive fancy leather shoes. He kicked up a fuss and so… yeah I sort papers now when I’m not shadowing.”

 

“How… how did I not hear about that?” Chan demanded.

 

“I may have told you I spilled one coffee… at the time. Shut up, I was embarrassed. I do know a Kim Woojin who goes here. A writer? Blonde, about yea high” Jisung gestured vaguely.

“Yeah, that sounds like my Woojin. You met him at the coffee shop?”

 

Jisung frowned. “No, I’ve never actually seen him there. We met last summer in a writing class, he was kind of a mentor.”

 

“Thursdays are his days off so I guess that makes sense.”

 

“It’s too bad, I really liked him. We lost touch after the class, but we used to just sit around and write together. He’s fun.”

 

“Do you, uh, want to come? Get coffee with us? We’re celebrating, I got the internship position for next year so I’ll be actually making music and learning from the people here.”

 

“Chan, that’s so great! Yeah, I’d love to come! Do you think he’ll mind?”

 

Chan considered it for a moment before shaking his head. Woojin was pretty easy going, Chan figured he’d actually be happy to see the high schooler once again. Woojin was just...  like that. Plus, Jisung would keep the mood lighter. Chan wouldn’t have to worry about one-on-one time or making a fool of himself because Jisung had the habit of playing everything off as a joke. He was like the other baristas-- yes, Jisung is exactly what he needed. The anxiety in his stomach dissipated a bit; and while he knew he would still replay all the conversations in his head and mentally smack himself for this or that, he’d be more calm in the moment. Less panic meant less embarrassment which meant less retrospective horror. This was good.

 

He grabbed Jisung before he left and they headed around the corner to the cafe they were meeting Woojin at. Jisung asked why they wouldn’t just go to Rosetta and Chan brushed the comment off, saying Woojin probably just wanted a change in scenery. When they arrived, the genuine surprise in Woojin’s eyes made Chan smile. He was totally caught off guard, and after shooting a confused look at Chan, his normal smile fell back into place and he pulled Jisung in for a warm hug. Everything went so smooth, and having Jisung around kept a lot of the attention off him. The mixture of celebrating, Woojin and Jisung catching up, and them all exchanging stories was easy and comfortable and perfect.

 

By the time Jisung left, Chan was confident and calm enough that he only felt little flutters in his stomach-- no shaking hands, no racing mind. It was a good sign. Maybe Woojin’s smile was a little more tight-lipped than normal, and maybe Jisung jokingly texted him ‘dude did you invite me on your date????’ and a bunch of laughing emojis; but Chan put that all out of his mind and considered it a success. It definitely wasn’t a date, that’s for sure. His social anxiety gave him a one-up on other people, and usually he was the one over interpreting social cues. Still, he went to sleep that night thinking yeah, it might be nice to date Kim Woojin one day. Maybe that was in the cards for him.

 

~~~~~

 

_Han Jisung 4:18 pm_

_ok channie hyung says I didn’t crash ur date but_

_I did right?_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:21pm_

_…_

_You didn’t crash anything per say, I really enjoyed seeing you_

_But yes, you kinda did crash our date which means he didn’t think it was a date. Which is awkward._

 

_Han Jisung 4:22pm_

_:( sorry hyung…. but maybe u should ask him point blank if he likes u?_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:24pm_

_You’re cute, it’s okay if he doesn’t like me! I’m fine with it, we’ll just be friends._

 

_Han Jisung 4:24pm_

_BUT WHAT IF HE DOES LIKE U AND HES JUST DENSE_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:25pm_

_He doesn’t, you know he doesn’t. You were there on our not-date. He’s not interested and that’s okay_

 

_Han Jisung 4:25pm_

_But… :(_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:25pm_

_There’s other fish in the sea. They may not have those dimples but I’m gonna have to settle_

_Seriously, it was really good seeing you kid. Let me know when you’re going to be here again_

 

_Han Jisung 4:27pm_

_Okay hyung, if you insist ;) I missed you, it felt like old times_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:27pm_

_You’re the silver lining for the train wreck that was today_

_Can you… not tell anybody about it though? I’m a little embarrassed…_

 

_Han Jisung 4:28pm_

_My lips are sealed!!_

 

_Kim Woojin 4:29pm_

_Thanks, have a good train ride home, text me when you get there safe_

 

_Han Jisung 4:30pm_

_ <3<3<3 _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Let me know what you think babes](http://www.kim-uwujin.tumblr.com/ask)


	3. The Weight of Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes realizations come too late, ships have already sailed, fate is sealed– sometimes Rachel doesn’t get off the plane. Bang Chan needs this not to be one of those times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch the friends reference? wink wink  
> Sorry it took forever to get this posted, I'm working on the new one now!!

_ Do you like the person you’ve become?  _

~~~~~

Chan woke up late on a Saturday morning, mouth dry, with a pounding headache threatening to split his skull in half. His current self couldn’t even be mad at his past self, not truly. Nevertheless, he acknowledged that his past self could have found a better way to deal with his emotions while searched his medicine cabinet for Ibuprofen. The first glass of jungle juice was delicious, the third glass was a mistake, the fifth was an intentional bad choice. 

 

It was actually comical, in a way. Chan had known he wasn't straight for a long time. He had fleeting crushes on many boys over the years, but it always nagged at him, a thought in the back of his head. What would real love feel like? Being together with someone, trusting them, confiding in them and relying on them-- he wondered what that kind of relationship would be for him and who he'd share it with. He thought about it often, but it had maybe been right in front of him the whole time and he’d been too stupid to realize. Or maybe he had realized it, but his fear of failure kept him from acting on it-- not that the particulars mattered much. He sat by admiring Woojin, looking up to him, leaning on him for support and trying his best to be that in return, all the while unaware of the fact that he was… kind of in love.   
  
The night before, Changbin had introduced them all to his new boyfriend, a sophomore boy from Australia named Felix. At one point he and Chan found themselves abandoned by everybody else for drinks or games or both, and had switched over to English as they spoke. They talked about Australia, places they both knew well and the families and friends they left behind. They shared stories of moving into a new country, Chan attempting to pass on some wisdom. And whenever Chan mentioned Changbin, Felix's smile lit up the room.   
  
"Ahhh...I know I don't know you? And I know you probably don't want to hear me being sappy about your friend, but he makes me really happy," Felix said with a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "Things have been really good, I'm glad I finally get to meet you all."  
  
"Good! He's really a great guy. How did you guys meet, I don't think he's told me?"   
  
"It's sort of… roundabout. He and my friend Jisung know each other from classes and he showed up one day while Jisung and I were studying and it kind of just... became a thing we all did together between classes. Jisung couldn't come one day and so Changbin and I were sitting there talking and doing our work and," Felix covered his face with his free hand. "I'm sorry, it sounds so cheesy. I just realized I wanted to know him better. He made me excited and a little nervous and I liked him, so I just blurted out can we could go out sometime."  
  
"Cute~" Chan cooed, sipping his drink. "It's a good cheesy."  
  
"It's not, I'm sure you don’t want to hear this. You're just too nice."  
  
"No, it's fine! I'm a romantic deep down, I love this shit," Chan assured him, truthfully. He was happy that his friends were happy, regardless of the pang of jealousy that settled in his stomach.   
  
"So are you dating someone then?"   
  
It was a fair question, but Chan huffed a laugh and dropped his gaze into his drink before answering, "Uh, no. Still waiting for someone exciting."   
  
Felix nodded. "Well... it's worth the wait."  
  
A weird feeling settled over him, something caught in his throat, almost welling up in his eyes. He just blinked and smiled back, Changbin and Jisung bursting into the room at that moment hollering about beer pong and cheating and rematches. Felix was recruited to Changbin's team and Chan to Jisung's, a distraction Chan was beyond grateful for.   
  
An hour or so later found Bang Chan, slightly buzzed, sitting alone on a couch in the living room and sipping at his drink while he contemplated the emotional storm going on inside of him. He was an emotional person to begin with and the combination of alcohol and sappy romantic scenarios had him going into overdrive. He sat there completely distracted from the party going on around him, contemplating his ideal type.   
  


Not particularly tall would be nice, he thought, though tall wasn’t in itself a deal breaker. Putting in the extra effort to kiss a particularly tall person would be negligible if that person happened to be the love of your life. This was the first time he realized, he didn’t really have a preferred physical type. Height, weight, hair color, skin tone, even gender-- he frowned as they bounced around in his head meaningless. He didn’t picture himself with any certain type of person. He found long hair attractive, but at the same time neat, short hair was extremely cute. He pictured strong arms around him. He pictured warmth, contentment, happiness.   
  
He liked the idea of his significant other borrowing his clothes, the romantic notion of seeing them in his oversized hoodies in sweaters making his stomach flutter. He imagined himself with someone who thrived on affection. Being anxious his whole life made him acutely aware of his flaws, and while he knew love wouldn't make that disappear he imagined someone who would be there to reassure him sometimes. Chan knew he was a big 'I love you' person, blurting it out perhaps too often. He wanted to be able to sincerely show how much he loved them, he wanted to be the type of person who radiated love for their loved one. He wanted his smile to light up the room when he spoke about them. He had it bad-- he felt all this sappy, cheesy love ready to pour out of him-- for a nameless, faceless person.   
  
Sighing, Chan drained his glass and allowed his mind to drift back to the party. He was sulking a bit, but nobody seemed to notice yet which was good. He heard Jisung's voice, possibly from another room, and spotted a group of people he knew sitting around the dining room table. Woojin was leaning against his new boyfriend, Lee something or other-- Chan couldn't be bothered to remember. He laughed at Woojin’s sweater paws, his hands barely peeking out and wrapped around a mug of what Chan assumed was tea. Woojin had been chosen as the DD tonight for their friends who lived further off campus (and those who planned on getting really drunk). From the looks of the boyfriend's empty hands he wasn't drinking either, perhaps in solidarity. It made Chan want to roll his eyes, though he had to admit it was nice of the guy. In fact, he seemed like a nice kid, a year or so younger than he and Woojin if Chan remembered. Woojin introduced them the week before when they'd run into each other on campus, but not wanting to interrupt their date Chan hadn't stuck around. He seemed fine, but Chan still found himself irritated.   
  
He watched Woojin laugh, throwing his head back onto New Boyfriend's shoulder, and felt another pang of jealousy in his stomach. Except this time, he found himself imagining what it would feel like if Woojin was sitting next to him, leaning into him, if he could be the one wrapping his arm around Woojin's waist and leaning in to press quick kisses to his cheek. His mind drifted to kissing Woojin, wrapping his arms around him from behind and lacing their fingers together, being with his friend-- he physically shook himself out of the image and stood up immediately. Bang Chan needed another drink.   
  
That was when Chan downed his third glass of jungle juice in under 5 minutes (a mistake) and filled up his fourth (his first intentionally bad choice), making a beeline for the hallway he'd heard Jisung in. He was in need of someone to vent to. He put up no pretenses, grabbing Jisung by the sleeve and announcing "I need to talk to you" before dragging him off to the back of the apartment and into one of the hosts bedrooms, locking the door.   
  
"Woah, are you okay?"  
  


"No," Chan whined, setting his cup down and falling into the desk chair.    
  


"How much have you had to drink?"   
  


"Too much, but that's not the point. Or the problem."   
  


Jisung laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Dude, then what is the point?"   
  


"I've just had a... how do you say it, a gay revelation?”

 

Jisung frowned. “Didn’t you have that years ago?” 

 

Chan huffed. “Not an I’m gay revelation, an I’m gay for my friend revelation.”    
  


“Awww I love you too bro,” Jisung waggled his eyebrows and Chan leaned forward, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. 

 

“Jisung I’m serious. I think I’m in love with Woojin and I think I have been for a really long time.”

“I know, Chan.” He glared up at Jisung who glared right back at him. “Don’t look at me like that. He likes you too, but you’ve spent what, 3 years acting disinterested in him because, no offense, you’re an idiot. As far as he’s concerned you’ve made it very clear that you’re just friends.” 

Chan just groaned and Jisung sat down on the edge of the bed. “Listen, here’s the good thing. As much as he insists that he doesn’t still like you, he does. His boyfriends never last more than a couple months and then he finds a reason to break things off. He always comes back to you.” 

That was true, Chan hadn’t thought much of it before. He always played the supportive friend when Woojin broke up with people. Occasionally that looked like taking Woojin and their other friends out to bars, the typical break up stuff. More often though, he and Woojin would blow their paychecks on wine and junk food and watch old episodes of friends until night turned into morning and they were both asleep in front of the TV. Woojin always made sure to keep his plans with Chan, never deciding his boyfriends offered better options for Friday night entertainment of weeknight study sessions. Chan thought this was just Woojin being a good friend, but Jisung was making him question that-- hell, maybe it was a bit of both. He didn’t know what to read into and what was just normal. 

 

“Don’t overthink it,” Jisung said, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

 

“Yeah, but what can I do? He’s with somebody, and I’ve been… I’m not just going to tell him  _ hey Woojinnie I finally realized that I love you wanna date? _ ” 

Jisung thought about it for a second, then nodded and flashed Chan a grin, standing up. “You want him right? You love him or whatever?”

 

“Yeah, or whatever…” Chan said lamely. 

 

“Then there’s only one option, dude. I don’t know what you can do per say... but for fuck’s sake, after all this time, do something about it.” Jisung clapped him on the shoulder and headed for the door, leaving Chan to watch him walk out. 

 

“For fuck’s sake, do something,” Chan muttered to himself sarcastically. 

 

He stayed there until drink number four was gone, pondering.  _ Do something. _ Stumbling to his feet he decided that, for now, something was drink number five. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://www.kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)


	4. Things We Lost In The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bang Chan thinks that maybe if he burns it all down something better will grow from the ashes. He sets the fire, now he has wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a side note, a lot of the description of anxiety is taken from my first and secondhand experiences. It's not meant to describe a universal experience, and it's not meant to classify or define what is a very individual experience. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.

Two weeks went by quickly-- fourteen days where Chan avoided alcohol and Woojin and his feelings, burying himself entirely in his work and classes. It wasn’t atypical for him, everybody knew that. He always kept busy, between working and finishing his classes, but now he was keeping himself busy so he didn’t have time to think. It’s what he thought he needed.

* * *

 

He brushed off Jisung’s disapproving looks when he had the kid come do demo vocals for him. Everytime Jisung brought up the party he ignored it, and every time he mentioned Chan being entirely MIA Chan changed the subject. Jisung got the message and Chan was grateful once again. He knew he had a lot to be grateful to Jisung for. They mostly talked about Chan’s birthday party coming up, which Jisung had offered to host at his and Changbin’s place, as usual. They had two rooms in a shitty boarding house with a couple other people, a bit reclusive and strange but they didn’t seem to mind some noise from parties. Their basement had a big open kitchen and dining room connected to the most sketchy living room-- sketchy but functional.

So Chan bargained with himself. He was going to have to confront everything, but he could wait until after his birthday. He’d see everybody at the party, he’d play happy, he’d drink a little, and then he’d decide what to do. It was a solid plan.

His birthday fell on Sunday, so they planned it for the night before instead. Chan showed up mid-afternoon with food and intentions of helping them set up, but the three of them ended up piled on Changbin’s bed instead. Changbin showed them videos from his Friday night set and told them how he was offered a permanent position DJing at the club for the upcoming summer. He was rising in popularity on campus and people were starting to take notice. Chan quickly realized how much he’d missed them lately, and when Jisung inevitably brought up Woojin he wasn’t even mad.   
Chan looked at Changbin. “Do you know too, then?”

“I had an idea,” Changbin replied, not breaking eye contact. “He’s with some guy now, Felix says he’s nice.”

“He is nice, I hate him,” Chan grumbled.

“He’ll only last a couple months tops, like usual. What are the odds this one sticks, huh?”

“If he does it’s my own damn fault.”

Jisung spoke up, somewhat hesitant. “He’s not going to. They’re not doing great and it’s only been a month.” It was Chan’s turn to give the disapproving look now. “Don’t glare at me! I don’t mean it like it’s a good thing.”

“I want him to be happy.”

Changbin rolled over onto his back. “Nobody’s saying you don’t, maybe you’re what’s going to make him happy.”

Chan paused. It was a good point, something to hang on to, but if he clung to that idea too tight and things went south with him and Woojin their friendship was over. It had to be Woojin's choice, regardless of what Chan thought was good fo them. “You know how he gets with break ups, I hate seeing him go through that.”

“Yeah that's another thing, he’s always at your place right after he breaks up with someone. You're his rebound guy, emotionally.”

“Wow, thanks Binnie.”

“He's right, listen! This guy isn't gonna last and then Woojin is going to come running to you. So this time just… you know, lock it down. Don’t let him walk out this time without letting him know.”

Changbin hesitated for a second. “Do you love him?”

Sighing, Chan closed his eyes, letting his head fall back onto the bed. “Yeah… yeah, I do.”

“I think I love Felix. I just… how do you know, I guess?”

“‘S different for everybody. Me, I didn't know until I realized how much I it… bothered me, seeing him with other guys. And then I thought about why, because he's happy and in a relationship and he's my friend so I should be happy for him, but then I realized I could imagine him being a part of the rest of my life.” he laughed to himself. “Like, I thought about it and suddenly I was making the coffee and he was making the toast and in the kitchen of our apartment. I could see myself putting obscene amounts of cream in his coffee and kissing him goodbye as I left and sending him text messages throughout the day and coming home to him at the end of it all. I just knew.”

“The… the more time I spend with Felix the more I find myself just stopping and thinking about all the things about him I love. I'm not picturing a life together or anything yet, just little things.”

“Chan had a couple years to work up to the whole I want 2.5 kids and a picket fence conclusion. Sounds to me like you're doing the same thing, just more self aware. You caught it in the early stages, and Chan was miles past Too Far Gone when he realised.”

“If you're gonna make fun of me how about we discuss how I'm getting most of my relationship advice from a single man?” Chan accused, grinning.

“Yeah that's fucking dumb, what's wrong with you?”

Jisung smacked Changbin in the leg, sitting up. “Hey, I give great advice, I don't have to take this crap from you.”

“He does. For a single man, not even close to being in a relationship anytime soon, and with a flimsy dating history to boot, you give great advice.” Changbin teased.

A few more explatives were exchanged before they wandered off to go set up for the party. Chan found himself feeling a lot more settled about the whole thing. The notion that he'd always have these two no matter what hole he disappeared into or what lies he told himself grounded him. Woojin was up in the air right now, a question mark where there used to be something more definite. This is what he really needed.

Felix showed up around 3, well before everybody else, while the three of them were killing time. He carefully handed Chan a box, saying “don’t tip it” before sitting with Changbin on the couch across the room.

“Binnie said he didn't think anybody picked one up so I figured you might need one,” Felix added as Chan lifted the lid to reveal a cake, Happy Birthday Chan scrawled in loopy icing on the top. “Chocolate with Chocolate frosting, I hope that's okay?”

“It's great! I love it, Felix. Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, man. Just stick it somewhere safe so none of these drunk assholes get at it. That's all yours.” Felix winked.

Everybody else started arriving around 6 and trickled in after that. They started a pile of presents off to the side in the living room, mostly small things and gag gifts and bottles of liquor. Chan bounced between people, trying to catch up with a lot of people he hadn't seen in a while, constantly being sucked into games and conversations. His glass seemed to magically refill itself the moment he emptied it (Jisung) even though he'd convinced someone (Jisung) that they were going to get trashed on his behalf in lieu of a birthday present. He just wasn't up for it this year.

The tipsiness and the amount of people seemingly distracted him enough that he didn't notice until after 8 that Woojin wasn't there yet. He was sure Woojin said he would be there, and he reached for his phone to send a quick “r u okay,” but stopped short. He was probably fine and just running late, or maybe he planned to show up late for some reason. Even still, it was possible he was already here and Chan just hadn't caught him yet, and he would be overreacting by checking up on him. He went back to the party, telling himself that everything was fine.

And sure enough, Chan spotted Woojin within half an hour of realizing he wasn't there. Woojin walked in, a brightly colored bag with balloons printed all over it in his hands, caught up in conversation with Seungmin and Felix. The moment Chan caught his eye, Woojin’s smile widened and he said something else to the two boys before making his way over. Chan set down his drink and let himself be pulled into a hug.

“Happy Birthday Channie!”

Chan smiled against his shoulder before pulling back. “Thanks! I was wondering when you'd get here.”

Woojin huffed. “I know, I'm late! I got caught up at work, I'm the worst!”

“Don't worry, I had all these people to keep me company while I was waiting.”

“I see that, good turnout.”

“It's really good to see everyone, that's for sure.”

Woojin laid his hand on Chan's forearm. “Yeah, I haven't seen you lately, which generally means you haven't been taking care of yourself because I haven't been able to remind you to sleep and eat a vegetable or two.”

“Yeah, sorry. Work, and classes. It's been crazy lately…” he trailed off.

“Oh you know I can relate.”

“Where's the uh… boyfriend? Busy tonight?”

Something changed in Woojin's face, but be still smiled. “Yeah, he didn't come. He says happy birthday though!”

“Mmm, tell him thanks for me. Are you drinking tonight?”

Woojin grinned. “Hell yeah I am, you take this,” he paused, handing over the bag and reaching behind Chan for a clean cup. “and I'm going to go get myself something from the kitchen. I'll find you later?”

“Yeah, great! Thanks, you didn't have to get me anything.”

“I wanted to. Let me know what you think later when you open it, yeah?”

An hour passed before Chan caught sight of Woojin again, off to the side of the kitchen frowning at his phone. He glanced up once, then turned down the hallway that led upstairs and disappeared. Chan debated for a minute, then excused himself from the group he was in and followed Woojin upstairs.

The air was cool when he walked out on the front porch, and Woojin was staring at his blank phone screen. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey. Sorry,” Woojin said, tucking his phone away.

“No, I just... wanted to come see if you were okay?” Chan pointed to the seat next to Woojin.

“Yeah, sit! I’m fine, I just needed some air.” Chan didn’t believe him.

“So… what’s his name, your boyfriend? He didn’t come?” He paused, smiling sheepishly. He knew he was fishing, but Woojin had seemed upset about it earlier.

“Doyun, yeah. He’s not here.”

“That’s too bad.”

Woojin let out a short huff, almost a laugh. “Yeah. Except... if you want someone to come somewhere, you kind of have to invite them.”

“Oh.” Things were bad then, worse than they thought. Chan expected himself  “Is everything okay?”

Woojin took a sip of his drink. “Peachy.”

“You can talk to me, you know? I… I needed some air too.”

Woojin smiled, leaning his head against Chan’s shoulder. “Thanks, but it’s your birthday…”

“And you’re my friend. Talk to me,” Chan insisted.

“Yeah… yeah, okay. It’s just been rough this week, these last few weeks I guess. It’s usually a lot easier than this, I don’t know. Things end, they always do after a couple months, but it’s easy and it’s fun and they’re nice and we’re… happy. And Doyun is nice and he’s easy and it’s fun, except it isn’t. I can’t get out of my head.”

“That’s okay, maybe it’s just… not the right person, not right for you?”

Woojin huffs. “It’s never been right, but it’s never like this. I’m… I used to love getting to know guys and kinda falling for them, and then it gets hard or it gets boring and we’re both not happy and we end it. But the beginning, the fun part, it’s not fun anymore.”

Chan let out a laugh. “I can’t relate. It’s not fun for me, falling for someone. It never has been.”

Woojin hesitated for a moment. “You don’t really date, why is that? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I don’t mean to pry.”

“No it’s okay. It takes… a long time for me to process how I feel before I trust a person, and I have to trust them before I love them. I’m actually not sure which comes first, but it’s definitely not fun.”

“Why?” It was a simple question, not judgemental in the slightest-- curious. Genuine, Woojin never failed to be genuine. He figured he might as well just come out with it, tell Woojin what he could. It would be a start at an explanation for the last couple years.

“Because when your brain tells you that they probably hate you, that they speak about you behind your back, they’re annoyed by you and everybody knows it except for you it’s really hard to ignore it. If you trust someone, it’s still hard but it’s easier. And it takes a while for that to happen, maybe trust isn’t the right word. I have to be able to prove my brain wrong. I count the reasons why I’m probably wrong, how I know they love me. Because they smile when they see me, because they ask me to come to things, because they show in whatever way that they enjoy when I’m around. Before I trust them, I avoid people or I cancel plans at the last minute because I’m feeling particularly...” Chan motions, at a loss for words, but Woojin nods. “Now imagine trying to start a relationship with someone, where there are more expectations than a friendship and less margin for error. Canceling plans looks like rejection and being distant looks like disinterest. It just…”

“It’s hard.”

“Yeah, it is.” Chan shrugs. “And I could lead with the whole I have anxiety thing, but that’s… not ideal. Then I’m just presenting myself as more trouble than I’m worth.”

“That’s not true,” Woojin said immediately.

“It’s true for some people. Like you said, relationships are supposed to be fun. Falling in love is supposed to be fun.”

“It takes work, but it can be hard sometimes and still be fun. Plus you have so much to offer and so many things that are good about you-- you’re worth so much more than your low points.”

Chan smiled. Words wouldn’t make the crawling feeling in his stomach go away, but they helped sometimes. He’d file this away for his next ‘low point’ to remind himself that the voice in his head was wrong. “Thanks, that means a lot.”

They lapsed into silence, sipping their drinks for a while until Woojin tentatively asked, “Does the anxiety hold you back a lot?”

“Yeah, sometimes. Like when I’m stressed and exhausted and distracted it’s actually... better? I don’t have time to think about it or deal with it, that’s why I like to keep busy. The other thing is, staying busy gives me excuses to not go to things.”

“Is it all the time?”

“No, not always. Usually if I’m going to something new it peaks before I even get there, and then when I’m there and with friends or doing whatever it is I’m there to do it ebbs. Nights like tonight, by half an hour into the party it was really manageable, but there are times that something randomly sets it off and then I’m back where I started, at least for a while.”

“I never knew. We’ve been friends for how long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t talk about it much.” Chan emptied his glass and set it down.

Woojin backpedaled quickly. “No, that’s not what I meant. It just… It must be hard. I didn’t know.”

Chan shrugged. “It is what it is. For me, the idea of  _boyfriends_ is hard. Loving people, losing them or whatever you would call it, breaking up seems hard.”

“Do you have anybody that you’ve gotten close enough to that you’d… maybe try? Try and date?”

Chan leaned his elbows on his knees, smiling at the ground. Woojin had no idea, and Chan didn’t know what answer to give him.  _Yes, you_  seemed an unwise answer, but No would be blatantly dishonest. He settled for a middle ground. “Yeah, one person. I don’t expect them to have waited for me to figure myself out though, they would have been waiting for a long time.”

“You’d be worth the wait.” Woojin smiled at the incredulous look Chan shot him. “Don’t look at me like that Bang Chan, you would be. Someone is going to catch your eye, and they’re going to wait, and they’re going to be one very lucky person. Mark my words.”

“Well if you say it, it must be true.” Sitting up, Chan picked up his empty cup. “I’m going to head back, in case anybody notices that I bailed on my own party. Jisung would kill me without hesitation, but… if you ever need to talk again or if you need anything else?”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll take you up on that. I’ll come back in a few minutes, I think I need to text Doyun.”

“Good luck,” Chan said with a tight-lipped smile, heading for the front door. He was not hoping for Woojin to break up with his boyfriend, he was not. But as he headed back down, he let himself think maybe Woojin wasn’t happy, but maybe they could be happy together. In the future, sometime, maybe Changbin was right. He’d do everything to make Woojin happy if he had the chance-- and he thought just maybe he had a chance.

And then he was sucked into the party again, the drinking and the games and all the people. The next time Chan saw Kim Woojin, he was standing at the edge of the kitchen with his arm around Doyun, and when he caught Woojin’s eyes his friend gave him a wide smile.

_Or maybe not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://www.kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)


	5. These Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, Woojin couldn’t quite feel bad for ending things. Somehow, Chan couldn’t quite feel bad about kicking Changbin out. Somehow, the two couldn’t quite stay away from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been told my story is depressing... I swear the happy stuff is coming!! I gotta stop listening to moody acoustic rock songs while I write...
> 
> Also sorry for the late update, I forgot to cross-post! If you want real time updates and other content, feel free to follow me on [Tumblr!](http://kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)

Kim Woojin was in way over his head with this one, and he knew it.

 

The following Thursday afternoon found him still in a relationship, in a familiar apartment, lying in the arms of one boy but thinking of another. He traced lazy patterns against Doyun’s stomach, wondering how he got this far. He was supposed to be watching some campy, over-testosteroned action film with badly executed dialogue and even worse graphics-- his boyfriend’s favorite type of movie. Woojin spaced out almost immediately, and what his mind wandered to was troubling though not surprising.

After his discussion with Chan at the party, Woojin was convinced he simply needed to put in the work. Relationships aren’t always easy, and this was the part where the work came in. He texted Doyun, feigned loneliness, and they headed back to the party 10 minutes later, together. He said that he didn’t think Doyun would like hanging out with a bunch of his friends and Doyun promised that if he got bored he’d drag Woojin out for something more fun. Half an hour into being there Doyun was anxious to leave and Woojin actively ignored him until it was too blatant to be ignored by their friends. They left, went back to Woojin’s apartment instead. They’d talked about how it seemed harder lately, how they both were having a hard time. They agreed that they were good together, that they would put in more effort, and they spent the night together. It was all good, great, except it wasn’t.

 

He wasn’t a big party person, but he felt a pang of bitterness as they left. Chan looked sad when he’d said goodbye, and after the talk they’d had he felt incredibly guilty for bailing. Or maybe he was imagining the fake smile and the sadness in Chan’s eyes. Maybe he wasn’t even regretful of having left the party, and feelings from a long time ago were simply peaking through. He’d buried them so long ago that he didn’t know what to do now. He had no idea how to deal with them, right after he’d committed to working things out with his current boyfriend.   


Who was boring. And way less genuine than Bang Chan. And had horrible taste in TV.

 

But the issue was that Woojin was still dating Doyun, actively cuddling with him, while reconsidering his goal to make things work. All he wanted to do was be with Chan again, and that guilt was eating away at him. He sat up, patting Doyun's chest and climbing off the couch.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Nothing, I've just got an early morning tomorrow. I'm picking up an extra shift, and then I've got class,” Woojin lied smoothly, bending down to kiss Doyun quickly. “I want to get some extra sleep and the movie isn’t… catching my attention.”

 

“Okay, is everything alright?” Doyun was still half watching the movie, blatantly, and Woojin repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

 

“Yeah, of course. Just tired.” He grabbed his coat and promised to lock the door on his way out, waving as he tried to leave both quickly and casually.

 

As he walked, his mind cycled through a million things. He thought about how Doyun was different than all his other relationships. They had a lot in common, Woojin thought, but in all the wrong ways. When he met Doyun he’d been excited to meet someone clean cut, with goals and ambitions and timelines-- who looked so good on paper. He tended to love boys who lived in the abstract, artsy or creative, with lofty goals of Manhattan galleries and Park Avenue high rises. Even the more salt-of-the-earth ones were intelligent, held this intoxicating depth that left Woojin drunk off of their conversations. His boys lit a fire in him, inspired him, and when he met Doyun he felt that same fire.

 

When he reached his own apartment, he locked the door and then slid to the floor against it, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The fire he felt died out as soon as it ripped through Doyun's paper thin persona, nothing to sustain it further than that besides wishful thinking. They didn't talk about things that didn't matter, let alone things that did. Where he could bring up stupid debates like is lasagna a layer cake for stupid fun with the others, Doyun would just brush them off. ‘That's a weird question’ or ‘why does it matter’ or Woojin's absolute favorite, a dismissive ‘you're so funny.’ They were juvenile questions, and Woojin told himself he must need to grow up. This was a real adult relationship, one that could go somewhere and be stable for a long time. He didn't have to worry about Doyun chasing his dreams in some distant city or moving for an exclusive apprenticeship or secretly living out of his car because ‘starving artist’ was his brand no matter how many clay busts of Janet Jackson or whatever he sold on Etsy. A real adult relationship, latched onto him and sucking his soul right out of his body.

 

Had he brooded over this long enough to settle the decision to break things off though? Thinking about Chan reminded him how long it had been since he was truly alone, single and not courting the idea of his next relationship through flirtatious something or others. He’d also never craved it before, being single. Of course, with Bang Chan in the back of his mind he wasn't 100% confident that single is what he would be after following his impending break up.

 

Their little talk ruined everything. He read way too far into what Chan had said about needing time, and hearing his friend talk about not thinking himself worthy of a relationship just made Woojin want to love him fiercely. It made him think back to **2 or 3** years before when they first met, racking his brain for any indication that maybe he'd been wrong. So he did what he always did when he was at a loss with Bang Chan, he texted Jisung.

 

Woojinnie-hyung  
_Weird question…_

Jisungie  
Is it one of those buzzfeed ‘is water wet’ bullshit questions again? Please no.

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _No, it's about Chan. We talked the other day and… I don't know I was just wondering if he's ever dated anyone that you know of?_

Jisungie  
Uhhhh, this feels kind of weird I don't want to talk about him behind his back but no? Unless he's hiding it from everybody and we all know Bang Chan is a terrible liar

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Sorry, I shouldn't put you in this position, it's nothing serious. I'm just curious I guess_

Jisungie  
It's okay, it's because you care about him

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Yeah_

Jisungie  
I'm not going to ask what you talked about because that's between you two but… why now? Why are you curious all of the sudden

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Ahh, well its mostly because of what we talked about. It was the other night at his party_

Jisungie  
Right, I noticed that Doyun showed up really late and you left really early… u okay?

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Yes and no, it’s complicated. I fixed things last weekend but it just ended up breaking things more I think, I don't know_

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _He's not what I want._

Jisungie  
No offense but I could have told you that a month ago 

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Wow thanks_

Jisungie  
I know it's a shitty thing to say but it's true

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _I actually kind of appreciate it… I need to hear it so I know I'm not crazy for wanting to break up with him when he's sort of perfect_

Jisungie  
Everybody is perfect for someone, he's just not perfect for you

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _When did you get so smart_

Jisungie  
Ahh, I'm blushing  
But seriously, I've known you for X NUMBER OF YEARS right? I know exactly who you're perfect for by now

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _Oh really, well send them my way why don't you_

Jisungie  
Now where is the fun in that? I may have been Cupid for Halloween but this love god is all about autonomy 😜 you know what you're doing, just trust yourself

Woojinnie-hyung  
 _What would I do without you, Jisung?_

Jisungie  
Let's hope for your sake you never have to find out

 

“If you're going to stay there that's fine, but I think Seungmin is on his way home…” a voice came from the doorway to the kitchen, making Woojin jump.

 

“Shit, hi.” Woojin hauled himself off the floor and smiled at his roommate. “I didn't realize you were awake.”

 

Hwang Hyunjin was a dancer, one with incredible discipline and a fairly rigid routine that had him in bed by 10pm and out of the house for training by 7am every day. Some weeks he felt like he barely saw the boy, let along talked to him except on weekends. He was tall, lithe, and one of Woojin's most talented and hardworking friends. They'd moved in together on a whim when Hyunjin was a freshman along with **Kim Seungmin** and it had been a roaring success.

 

“Yeah I’m awake... are you okay?”

 

Woojin sighed. “I’m… okay.”

“You sure?”

“Nope.” Woojin smiled, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder and heading down the hall.

 

“You can talk to me. Seungmin too,” Hyunjin said, making Woojin turn around.

 

“I… thanks. I might take you up on that sometime, but uh… not tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. Just… we like you, I consider you as a friend not just a roommate. I hope you feel that way too.”

 

Woojin smiled, crossing the room to hug Hyunjin. “I really do. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

They parted ways, and at least Woojin went to bed feeling lighter. Doyun or not, he’d always have his friends, and that’s all he really needed.

 

If only that didn’t get him thinking about Bang Chan once again, he would have slept soundly that night.

 

~~~~~

A couple days later, Chan’s phone vibrated in his pocket as he was closing his fridge. He half expected it to be his mother or his father, maybe one of his siblings, but he definitely didn’t expect the name that flashed at the top of his screen. Setting aside the cold bottles, Chan hesitated a moment before answering the call in a low voice. “Hey.”

 

“Hi. Chan.” He said it as if he was surprised, as if it was two separate thoughts. Not quite a question, but as if he was reassuring himself of something.

 

Chan didn’t know how to answer. “You never actually call me.”

 

“I call you!”

 

That made him smile. “You text me, that’s different,” he pointed out.

 

Woojin hesitated. “I call you”

 

Chan clicked his tongue. “You call me when I’m late for something and—” he stopped short. “And when you break up with your boyfriends”

 

“Yeah.” Something stirred in Chan’s stomach as they sat in silence, and he pulled the phone away from his ear to check whether Woojin had hung up. “I should call more”  

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s good. I wasn’t… happy. This thing with Doyun, it was throwing everything off. It’s good.”

 

“I was actually just going to order takeout… do you want to come over?”

 

“Yeah, I was… well I’m standing outside that ramen place you like, so I could pick that up? I was going to pick that up, but then I thought I should make sure you weren’t busy.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

 

“I know your order, can I be there in half an hour?”

 

“Of course, come over whenever.”

 

“Thanks Chan.” There was a sadness in Woojin’s voice that Chan didn’t quite recognize, a longing that hadn’t been there for all the other boyfriends. It tore at his heart, but at this point he wasn’t sure if that was because he was seeing his friend in pain, or because he was seeing a man he had feelings for broken up over another.

 

“Of course,” he said, but Woojin had already hung up.

 

He stared at his phone until Woojin’s contact photo disappeared, then he quickly turned around and stuck his head into the living room. Changbin sat cross-legged on his couch, mouth open, chopsticks poised to stuff a dumpling into his mouth until Chan called his name.

  
“Sorry. I need you to leave. And take the food with you.”

 

“Now?” The younger boy looked down at their numerous takeout boxes.

 

“Yes. Share with Felix, or keep it for leftovers, I don’t care I just need you to be gone by the time Woojin gets here.”

 

Changbin gave him a knowing look. “Jisung said he was going to--”

 

“Yeah, he did.”

 

“And you’re what?” He raised an eyebrow at Chan, almost judging. “Be here to pick up the pieces like always.”

 

“That’s enough for me,” Chan assured him (and himself).

  
Changbin huffed, shoving the dumpling in his mouth and beginning to pack up the rest. “It shouldn’t be. Maybe it doesn’t have to be.”

 

“It does,” Chan said. “For now, at least, it does.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)


	6. Overjoyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: What does it mean to find the one? Find the person whose smile is home, whose eyes are comfort, whose voice is love. Find the person who makes you think maybe you found the meaning of life. Find the person who makes you think what happened makes what could have been irrelevant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's happy!! Happy, happy chapter~

Chan hesitated a moment before answering the call in a low voice. “Hey.”

“Hi, Chan.” He said it as if he was surprised, as if it was two separate thoughts. As if he was reassuring himself. 

“You never actually call me”

“I call you!”

“You text me, that’s different”

There was a pause. “I call you”

“You call me when I’m late for something and—” he stopped short. “And when you break up with your boyfriends”

“Yeah.” Something stirred in Chan’s stomach as they sat in silence, and he pulled his ear away from the phone to check whether Woojin had hung up. “I should call more”  

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s good. I wasn’t… happy. This thing with Doyun, it was throwing everything else off.”

Chan nodded to himself, not really knowing what to say besides the usual. It felt different this time, of course. “I was going to order takeout… do you want to come over?”

“Yeah, I was actually… well I’m standing outside that ramen place you like, so I could pick that up? I was going to pick that up, but then I thought I should make sure you weren’t busy.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“I know your order, can I be there in half an hour?”

“Of course, come over whenever.”

“Thanks Chan.” There was a sadness in Woojin’s voice that Chan didn’t quite recognize, a longing that hadn’t been there for all the other boyfriends. It tore at his heart, but at this point he wasn’t sure if that was because he was seeing his friend in pain, or because he was seeing a man he had feelings for broken up over another.

“Of course,” he said, but Woojin had already hung up. 

He stared at his phone until Woojin’s contact photo disappeared, then he quickly turned around and stuck his head into the living room. Changbin sat cross-legged on his couch, mouth open, chopsticks poised to stuff a dumpling into his mouth until Chan called his name.   
“Sorry. I need you to leave. And take the food with you.” 

“Now?” The younger boy looked down at their numerous takeout boxes. 

“Yes. Share with Felix, or keep it for leftovers, I don’t care I just need you to be gone by the time Woojin gets here.” 

Changbin gave him a knowing look. “Jisung said he was going to--”

“Yeah, he did.”

“And you’re what?” He raised an eyebrow at Chan, almost judging. “Be here to pick up the pieces like always.” 

“That’s enough for me,” Chan assured Changbin (and himself).  
The other huffed, shoving the dumpling in his mouth and beginning to pack up the rest. “It shouldn’t be. Maybe it doesn’t have to be.” 

“It does,” Chan said. “For now, at least, it does.” 

 

~~~~~

Chan put on a smile for Woojin when he opened the door, pulling him into a hug right away-- noodles and all. The elder pouted a bit, but mostly assured Chan he was fine with a sad smile. Usually he was a little more hopeless and unconvinced he’d ever find love-- it made Chan sad how resigned he was this time. He just sat cross legged and slurped his noodles and asked Chan about his day. It was strange. 

Eventually, just after they’d put away their empty bowls, Chan had to ask. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Woojin frowned at him. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure? Why?” 

“You don’t seem okay, you don’t seem like yourself.” Scooting over, Chan threw an arm around Woojin’s shoulder and Woojin smiled, leaning in. 

“I feel more like myself than I have in months.” 

“Were you really that unhappy?”

Woojin sighed. “Not in the moment. I was happy in the moment, and then I just… wasn’t. I think I was telling myself that I was happy a lot.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Woojin said. “Me too.” They stayed like that for a moment, feeling each other’s slow breathing. “Thanks for this. Really, you’re exactly what I needed tonight.”

“Anytime.” 

Hauling himself off the couch, Woojin planted a kiss on Chan’s cheek and picked up Chan’s notebook from the table across the room. “What do we have here?”

“Composition book,” Chan said simply as Woojin sat back down beside him. “I’ve been working on a new one, you can read it if you want. Last page.”  
“You don’t mind?”

“Nah, it’s pretty much done. I’ve just got to figure out how to end it.” He watched Woojin read, a smile playing on his lips. “I wrote it after my birthday, after what we talked about.”

“Play it for me.” 

Chan was a bit startled. He rarely played his pieces for his friends, and he’d sang in front of Woojin before on many occasions but never like this. Never one of his own pieces, and never one on one. “You want me to?” Woojin nodded.

Chan stood and retrieved his guitar, opting to sit across the room facing Woojin. He strummed gently, tuning it a bit more out of habit or nerves than necessity, and played the opening chords just to practice, before shifting his guitar and glancing up at Woojin. The way he was staring, half smiling… Chan focused back on the task at hand, his stomach fluttering. He played the opening chords again.

 

“ _ If I’m not enough, or going by your words too much, then why can't you let me adjust to the movement of you? _

 

_ If my love's not worth the risk that you're taking each day then let me be the first to say I'ma make you stay _

 

_ Now, when you're all alone, I know you think about these words bespoke _

 

_ And I hope you're still mine, I hope you're still mine _

 

_ I know it takes time, time that you say you don't hold, but here alone, searching for cold, you can't see through _

 

_ And it's easy to say that I'm not the same as the other ones, the situation hurts like any other one you can't see through _

 

_ But when you're all alone I know you think about these words bespoke _

 

_ And I hope you're still mine, I hope you're still mine, I hope you're still mine _

 

_ I hope you're still mine.” _

 

Silence hung in the air for just a moment, and then Woojin was practically vibrating. “Chan, that was beautiful.”

He smiled down at his guitar, playing a few more notes before setting it aside. “Thank you, I… I wrote about a lot of things recently, but this is the one that turned into something. At least, so far.” Woojin just watched until he continued. “It meant a lot too, everything you said.”

“You deserve to be loved.” 

“You know you do too, right?” Chan knew the answer. “You do. And you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy, that loves  _ you _ for all the amazing things you are.”

Woojin wouldn’t meet his eyes. “All of it… it’s so difficult.” 

Difficult didn’t begin to cover it, Chan knew this too. Their situations were wildly different in his mind, but at the same time they understood each other. The longing for love, the heartache, the second-guessing of oneself-- Woojin was as of late hypersensitive to the types of guys he was dating, to finding the one, and Chan… well Chan felt like he was eternally hypersensitive to everything and completely unable to stop. He didn’t so much worry about finding the one, just someone to love. They were both characters in one Queen song or another. 

And it was daunting! How were they supposed to try and figure out the world, figure out love and dating and devotion while still figuring themselves out. It was so much easier, at least for Chan, to focus on the simple thing-- work, hobbies, friendships. If everything wasn’t so damn difficult maybe years ago he would have just asked Woojin out immediately instead of deciding ‘just friends’ would be easier. But that was then, and this was now, and neither of them needed to be fixating on the profound what-could-have-been, what-is-the-meaning-of questions. 

Chan hauled himself off the chair and plopped next to Woojin on the couch, pulling him to lean against his chest. “I know. Come on, let’s watch a movie or something. I’m in the mood for Ghibli.”

 

So they left it at that, no more serious talking for the time being, no more deep stuff. They ate popcorn and made jokes and relived a slice of their childhood. 

 

It was easy. 

 

~~~~~

“Are you sure this is how you want to end it?” 

 

The weight in Chan’s stomach, that heavy anxious feeling, seemed to expand. “You don’t like it.” 

 

“It’s not that I don’t like it, I just… I don’t get it. It doesn’t feel like... anything. It seems like you didn’t know how to end it so you just… repeated the lines a bunch?”

 

He nodded. Yijeong was right, the end was wrong. It didn’t feel complete, he’d known that going in but he’d hoped he was just being finicky. “To be honest, I got it from a Jonghyun song. I guess it maybe doesn’t work as well here.” 

 

Yijeong shook his head, smiling. “We can work with it, but just tell me where you’re trying to go. You’re telling a story here, it’s a really really good story too so… Do you want it to be a,” He paused, gesturing indistinctly. “Like a retreat, it slowly fades out like a surrender. You're accepting how things are and backing away, ‘I hope you're still mine but I'm being realistic’?”

 

Chan snorted. “I wish, that would be simple. No, I’ve got this sort of idea but I couldn’t make it sound good because it needs to sound… convoluted, not straightforward. Strong, I wanted it to pick up and then peak in intensity-- the whole song is pretty even but I was the last part to be dramatic.”

 

Yijeong thought for a moment, nodding. “So you're putting up a fight.”

 

“Not a fight persay. It’s… I want it to be equal parts desperation and love at the beginning, ‘I hope you’re still mine, I need you to be mine.’”

 

“Okay, then?”

 

“Then, it's still desperate but it's also determined. More confident, and this is where it peaks.”

Yijeong hummed, jotting something down. “Strong vocals.”

 

“Yes, really strong vocals, almost ballad vocals.” 

 

“And the end?”

 

Chan avoided Yijeong’s eyes. He’d never hear the end of this one. “I'd like it to end happy. Maybe we could make it a bit melancholy with a drop back to the feel of the beginning. Slow, gentle, a bit uncertain but calm.”

 

“I don't know about uncertain, but let's see what we can do.”

 

They bounced ideas off each other, tweaking and retweaking and pulling in a couple others to get opinions on one version versus another. By the end of the session Chan had recorded it, using himself as the guide vocals for whatever artist would end up getting his track. He was curious as to who it would be, regardless of the fact that he wouldn't have much of a say in the decision. Part of him hoped that even if an artist popularized it, Woojin would still imagine him singing it in his living room with only his guitar. This one would always be special to him. 

 

“So you've got a boyfriend now?” Chan glanced up from his thoughts, completely caught off guard. “Or, you've almost got yourself a boyfriend? You were clearly writing this for someone.”

 

“Uhhh, yeah. Almost, it's something that I think has been a long time coming.”

 

“Well good, good for you. You're at that peak intensity point, huh? Hang in there.”

 

“It's worth it.”

 

Yijeong laughed. “Yeah, more than you probably know.”

 

~~~~~

 

_ “I hope you're still mine.  _

_ I hope you're still mine.  _

_ I hope you're still mine, still mine, still hope you're still mine, you're still hopelessly mine, you're still, you're still mine, you're still _

_ Hope you're still mine, you're still, you're still mine, you're still, hopelessly mine, hope you're still mine, you're still, you're still mine, you're still, hopelessly mine, you're still mine, you're still mine, yeah _

_ You know I need your love, god knows that I need your love, you're mine _

_ I hope you're still mine…” _

Chan’s voice faded out and Woojin wiped tears from his eyes as the recording ended. Hopelessly in love, he left the message unanswered. He didn’t have the words. 

 

~~~~~

**Bang Chan** 11:28am

What did you think? 

**Bang Chan** 2:06pm

Woojinnie? Have you listened? 

**Bang Chan** 8:49pm

Is everything okay? 

**Kim Woojin** 8:50pm

Could you come over?

~~~~~

Woojin paced back and forth across the kitchen after Chan texted that he was on his way over. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was about to make a huge, terrible, life-altering, and unfixable mistake. He couldn’t stop wondering if this would ruin everything, but the song… Woojin also couldn’t shake the feeling that they couldn’t go on this way, him desperately in love and Chan oblivious.  _ I hope your still mine. God knows that I need your love. If my love’s not worth the risk. _ He couldn’t get any of it out of his head, the melancholy of it but the hopefulness-- at least that’s what he felt. Maybe he was reading too far into it, maybe the song wasn’t actually for him or about him or maybe Chan didn’t feel the same way at all. But he was going to tell Chan, he’d decided as much, regardless of his lack of confidence and rampant inner turmoil. 

The thing he forgot to account for was his roommates. He heard a key in the lock, panicking because wow Chan got here very fast, but he realized that Chan wouldn't have a key and the reality of his mistake hit him. However this conversation went, Woojin didn't particularly want them around for it. Luckily, Seungmin and Hyunjin were both perceptive and kind. The moment they laid eyes on Woojin, Hyunjin let out a low “woah…” and Seungmin simply peaked over his shoulder with concern. 

“Chan’s coming over in a second…”

“Chan?” Hyunjin elbowed Seungmin, who looked confused for a moment before his eyes went wide. “Oh. Chan is… coming over.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to tell him about the whole...?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yes?” 

They blinked at each other for a moment before Hyunjin picked up his bag and said “Well that's great, Seungmin and I will be out of your way for at least a few hours. We just stopped to pick up something, Seungmin go get the thing you were going to pick up so we're not late to Jisung's.”

 

The younger panicked looking around frantically before darting over and grabbing a pen off the coffee table. “This! My lucky pen. I need to do really well on this assignment, gotta have my pen…” Seungmin said with a forced laugh. “Off we go.”

“Smooth,” Woojin heard Hyunjin say as they left. “I was thinking, phone charger? Maybe--” the close of the door cut off their words and Woojin let out a huge breath. He owed them breakfast muffins for a month, minimum. And on top of clearly changing their plans as not to interrupt, they unwittingly distracted him-- Woojin felt like he could breathe again. His brain wasn’t spiralling out in panic for a blissful moment.

That is, until a knock on the door made his heart jump to his throat. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the door and opened it, letting Chan in and quickly closing it behind him. 

“Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?” He laid a hand on Woojin's arm, the lightest pressure coaxing Woojin to face him but not forcing him. Woojin turned, finding his voice as he looked at Chan. 

“Nothing's... wrong persay. I just, I listened to your song.” 

They moved into the living room and sat down as Chan said “Okay?” When Woojin failed to elaborate, something crumbled in Chan's expression and he added, “You didn't like it.”

Woojin let out a breathy laugh, taking one of Chan's hands in both of his and dropping his eyes to stare at them instead. “No, no. I loved it.”

“Oh. Then what…” Chan didn't know what to say. What's the problem? What’s wrong? Why am I here? “Is it not about the song?”

“Not really?” 

“Then is something else wrong?”

Woojin looked away for a moment, turning his head to the side, still holding Chan's hand, still avoiding his eyes. “No, nothing's wrong--”

“Persay” Chan interrupted, making Woojin smile. He could always make Woojin smile. He stared into Chan’s eyes now, sighing. 

“There's just something I have to tell you, and it's kind of scary.” 

Chan just smiled at him, reaching up to brush a thumb over his cheekbone. “Hey, it's okay. You can tell me anything.”

“But what if it messes everything up!” 

Chan squinted. “Well, as the world's foremost expert on imagining situations where everything could go wrong… are you secretly betrothed to a foreign prince who's whisking you away to a far off land tomorrow?”

“No.”

He nodded. “Hmm, have you stolen my identity and wracked up thousands of dollars worth of debt and several arrest warrants under my name?”

“No.”

“And you didn't hate my song itself, but did you hate my singing voice so much that you brought me here to sit me down and tell me to stick to production?”

Woojin smacked him lightly in the shoulder. “No, your singing voice is beautiful.”

“I know,” Chan teased. And he smiled that stupid, kind smile that made Woojin feel safe and warm and home. “I mean thank you. Seriously Woojin, you're freaking me out a little with all of this. No matter what it is, I'm sure nothing is going to be ruined. Just tell me.”

“You promise?”

“I swear.”

“I guess… well, first I wanted to ask who you wrote the song for.”

Chan's expression changed immediately, first surprised and then completely closed off. He pulled his hands away from Woojin and tried to subtly adjust himself in his seat so that it wasn't obvious that he was moving away. “Oh, uh… well.”

“I need to know.” 

“Woojin, if I made you uncomfortable-- I never wanted you to know. I didn't think I was being obvious but, I guess--”

“I love you.” Silence. “Chan, I'm in love with you and I have been for-- for god knows how long and I need to know if you wrote it about me.”

Chan's mouth hung open, then closed and opened again, but no words came. 

“I hope you're still mine? Hopelessly mine?”

“Woojin are you serious? Are you sure?”

Woojin let out a watery laugh at the dumb look on his face. “Yes! Yes I'm sure, but Chan I need you to tell me--”

Chan scooted forward, taking Woojin’s face in his hands. “Of course it's about you. Not… so much the first part, that's about me getting my shit together, after what you told me. But yes, a lot of it about you.”  _ And I hope you’re still mine. _

“Then you think that maybe this could work? We could try it?”

“I want to,” Chan said, wiping away stray tears. “I’m in love with you too.”

Woojin let out a sob and Chan pulled him in for a hug, shushing him softly as Woojin buried his face against Chan's shoulder. “Are you sure?” he repeated. 

“Am I sure,” he teased, threading his fingers into Woojin's hair with one hand and rubbing his back with the other. “I'm positive. It just took me a while to come to the realization.”

“Yeah.”

“Jisung says I'm dumb.”

“Jisung says I'm dense.” 

“Jisung's an asshole why are we friends with him?”

Woojin sighed, sniffling as he pulled away from Chan. “Because he's kinda right.”

Chan brushed Woojin’s hair away from his forehead, planting a kiss there. “Yeah.” 

They talked for a while longer, a bit about the song, a bit about them. Woojin admitted he’d been interested since the beginning, opting not to bring up the date/not date from way back when. Chan admitted that he really, really hated Doyun no matter how much he knew that Doyun was a good kid. Woojin kissed Chan.

Seungmin snapped a picture of the two lying together asleep on the couch hours later, turning off the TV before he and Hyunjin snuck off to their bedrooms. He sent it to Woojin and deleted it from his phone-- it seemed like a private moment, but maybe one they’d want to remember. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is [Him.Her. by James Gillespie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjAp1hWaRHw) and it’s delightful!!


	7. Pompeii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing that shakes the core of your world today is sometimes the thing that's inextricably a part of you tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning this hasn't been edited like at all so forgive me, my darlings, I just wanted to get something put up

_ But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? _

 

~~~~~

Woojin woke up to Chan snuggling closer to him, arms wrapping around his waist and Chan’s face gently pressed between his shoulder blades-- the perfect alarm clock. They’d awoken and moved to Chan’s bed sometime in the middle of the night, and it was easily mid-morning now judging by the light streaming in through Chan’s blinds. 

“Moring,” Woojin yawned, lacing their fingers together. 

“Did I wake you up?” 

“Mmm, maybe. ‘S okay.” 

“Sorry” Chan placed a kiss on the back of his neck. “Did you sleep well?” 

Woojin smiled “Yeah, really well.”

“Good. You wanna get up?” 

“No,” Woojin groaned, carefully turning over to give Chan’s lips a quick peck and settling back in. “Do you?” 

“No.” Woojin hummed as Chan sprawled across his chest. 

Something in Woojin’s chest ached feeling Chan this close to him, connected. Sleeping peacefully, waking happily-- it was something he dreamed of a lot, but it was so different. Nothing was smooth or movie-like, nothing was glamorous. The sheets were rumpled, their hair was sticking up in a wild fashion, their breath smelled bad. The light was soft in the bedroom, but there was no rom-com sepia tones, there was no soft piano music playing in the background. The curve of Chan’s hip was sharp against his thigh, his chin prodding into Woojin’s chest. But he’d never imagined the warmth of a body against his own, not like this. Chan’s heartbeat thudded against his ribs, and it made Woojin’s senses vibrate. His wild imagination paled in comparison to reality. 

Chan on the other hand had never really imagined this kind of tranquility. The fast, unceasing pace of his mind had been a constant for most of his adult life; and while he was pretty sure it was one of the things that allowed him to create beautiful music and lyrics, it was also what drove him to many sleepless nights. In rare moments, all the background noise seemed to turn down and his brain felt habitable. He didn’t expect being with Woojin to be like this all the time of course, love wasn’t a cure-all, but smiling against his boyfriend’s chest he decided that this was a good sign. A good start. 

A soft knock on the door had Woojin groaning, calling out “come in” as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Seungmin popped his head through the door, looking a bit sheepish, but both boys smiled at him. “Sorry Woojinnie, but it’s Sunday…” 

“Oh, right.”

“Sunday?” Chan asked, sitting up and stretching.

“Sunday brunch, I usually make eggs and bacon and french toast when we’re all home but I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t get anything ready yesterday,” Woojin admitted. “The bacon should only take a couple minutes to thaw in the microwave though.” 

Seungmin shook his head. “Hyunjinnie and I already cooked, I just came to get you because it’s almost done.” 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, you should have woken me up!” Woojin rolled out of bed, grabbing a sweatshirt as he followed Seungmin out of the room. He slung an arm over the younger boy’s shoulders, hugging him from the side. “You guys!” 

“We wanted to let you sleep,” Hyunjin explained as he clumsily flipped the last piece of french toast. 

Chan came up behind them, laying a hand on Woojin’s back and kissing his cheek. “I’m going to head out so you guys can have your breakfast.” 

Woojin’s face fell as he turned, but he didn’t get a single word of protest out before Hyunjin chimed in. 

“No you’re not, we made extra.”

Chan looked ready to shoot them down again, until his eyes landed on Woojin who was giving him what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure?”

Seungmin spoke up this time. “Positive.” 

“No arguing.” Woojin insisted, and Chan held up his hands in surrender. 

“As long as I’m not interrupting anything. Do you have an extra tooth brush I can borrow?” 

Woojin nodded. “Top left drawer in the bathroom.” 

“Thanks,” he said, giving the roommates a smile before disappearing down the hall. He intended to take his time, give them some room to talk. 

As soon as Chan was out of the room, Woojin crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin as well, muttering a thank you to them both, “for everything.” They all understood what he meant, not just for breakfast but for so much more.

“Okay while he’s gone, give us the details.” 

Woojin shurgged, fiddling with a fork on the counter. “Apparently he felt the same way I did and just… recently realized it. I don’t know, I confessed then he confessed and--”

“Did you kiss though?”

“Of course they kissed, Minnie!” Seungmin pouted until Woojin pulled him into a hug, laughing. 

“Yeah, we kissed.” 

“Oh my god, they’re going to be so gross now! It’s going to be like watching your parents kiss,” Hyunjin teased, wrinkling his nose.   
“I think it’s sweet,” Seungmin argued. “I’m glad you guys are happy.” 

“I love you two,” Woojin said, reaching across the counter to grab Hyunjin’s hand. 

“We love you too,” Seungmin said, squeezing his arms around Woojin’s middle. 

“CHANNIE WE’RE NOT WAITING MUCH LONGER FOR YOU, LET’S GO” Hyunjin hollered. 

There was nothing more that Kim Woojin wanted in the world at that moment. 

 

~~~~~

**_*Bang Dad*_ ** _ has been added to Operation Parent Trap _

**_*Mama Woojinnie*_ ** _ has been added to Operation Parent Trap _

***Jisungie*** welcome to hell!!  

***Bang Dad*** What is this?

***Aussie legend*** this is the group chat where we talked about how you two needed to date lol

***Mama Woojinnie*** Why am I the mom? 

***Chang-boo*** Felix changed all our names

***Chang-boo*** and we can’t change them. Obviously

***Aussie legend*** come on, chang-boo is cute 

* **Jisungie*** I’m with Aussie Legend on this one

***Bang Dad***

***Jisungie*** you were almost Changaroo 

***Aussie legend*** I wanted to keep the mom and dad theme though!

***Mama Woojinnie*** but why am I the mom???

***Baby maknae*** he won’t change mine either  >:( 

***Mama Woojinnie*** awww yours fits jeonginnie 

***Aussie legend*** fiiiiiiiiiiiine

***Aussie legend*** better?

***Papa Woojinnie*** much, thank you 

***Baby maknae*** CHANGE MINE TOO 

***Aussie legend*** no 

***Baby maknae*** FELIX 

***Aussie legend*** fine

***Aussie legend*** ...

***Sweet baby maknae*** FELIX IS SWEAR TO GOD

***Chang-boo*** you brought that one on yourself Innie 

***Sweet baby maknae*** >>>:(

***Aussie legend*** <3

 

~~~~~

 

Months passed like days, even though the days themselves seemed to pass like years. They were both busy, and the “beginning of relationship” learning curve was steep. Chan was new at all of this, and Woojin may have been a relationship expert at this point but he wasn’t quite a Chan expert. They had a lot to learn. But when it came down to it, Woojin wanted to make it work in a way he never had before. It was fun, to learn and grow and make mistakes… together. Woojin  _ wanted it  _ in a way he never had before. 

Their friends had taken the news with a whole lot of celebration and I told you so’s, a healthy dose of teasing too, but they took it in stride. Everybody was happy for them. 

And they were happy. Hyunjin and Seungmin got used to seeing Chan around, with Woojin watching movies on their couch at night or sleepy in their kitchen searching for coffee in the morning. More often than not, he joined them for breakfast, asking about their week or their classes in much the same way Woojin did. One morning after Chan left, Seungmin commented how seamlessly he had entered their lives and how naturally he fit. Woojin had hugged him from behind, resting his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, and agreed softly. Chan made everything feel like it was right where it belonged. 

But while Chan fit into his life, he didn’t yet know his place in Chan’s. He didn’t have roommates for Woojin to meet when he stayed over, and the few times Woojin had run into his friends it had been in passing. Changbin and Felix he knew of course, and Jisung was a mutual friend, but all the people he talked about from work had Woojin curious. And he hadn’t been particularly secretive about that, but Chan just wasn’t picking up on it yet. Maybe Jisung was right, Chan was dense. 

Plus, Woojin pathologically needed to be liked by the friends, which was something Chan maybe didn’t know about him yet. It was something that maybe he needed to tell Chan. It was something Chan wasn’t going to pick up on by himself. Woojin felt like an idiot for just sitting around and waiting for so long. 

 

**Kim Woojin**

Hey babe, would it be okay if I stopped by with lunch? 

 

**Bang Chan**

I’d love that! Do you want to meet somewhere?

 

**Kim Woojin**

Actually… I was thinking I could bring something by? Maybe meet your coworkers? 

 

**Bang Chan**

That would be great, they keep badgering me about meeting you 

Just beware, they’re kinda a lot ;)

 

**Kim Woojin**

Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t mean to barge in 

 

**Bang Chan**

No, it’s great! 

 

**Kim Woojin**

Good because I really want to meet them, you talk about them a lot 

 

**Bang Chan**

I was actually going to see if you wanted to come out with us in a couple weeks, we try and get drinks together once in a blue moon, but we haven’t recently

 

**Kim Woojin**

I would love to 

So today can I stop by at like 12? 

 

**Bang Chan**

Yeah, I’ll order takeout 

 

**Kim Woojin**

I actually… was going to cook something? I have the morning off? 

 

**Bang Chan**

You’re literally the world’s best boyfriend

 

**Kim Woojin**

I know~

 

~~~~~

 

When he walked into BYG entertainment, an intern was waiting for him near the front desk, shifting nervously. “Are you Woojin?” 

“Yeah, and you are?” 

The kid grinned, flashing his braces. “Jeongin, I’m an intern-- I’m from the same school as Jisung! Chan said you know Jisung too?” 

“Yeah, I know Jisung.” Woojin nodded as they walked towards the elevator. He hesitated, smiling to himself before he asked, “Is Chan nice to you?” 

“Nice?” Jeongin giggled. “Yeah, he’s nice.” 

“He better be! You tell me if he’s not. Or if he’s not teaching you enough, or if he’s just making you get him coffee all the time,” Woojin teased. 

“He’s really great, I promise. He talks about you a lot.” 

Woojin blushed. “Does he now.” 

“Yeah, it’s really cute.” The elevator doors opened and Woojin followed Jeongin out. “He’s the third office on the left, I can show you if you want?” 

“That’s okay, thanks!”  

“You’re welcome… can I call you hyung?” 

Woojin ruffled his hair. “Yeah, of course!” 

Knocking on his door, Woojin stuck his head into Chan’s studio. “Knock knock.” 

Chan spun around in his chair, smiling. “Hey! Did you find Jeongin alright?” 

“Yeah, sweet kid.” Woojin set his bag down, giving Chan a quick hello kiss. “I made sure you were being nice to him. He seems to like you for whatever reason.”

“You seem to like me for whatever reason,” Chan teased. “I don’t send him to get me coffee… all that often.” 

Woojin gave him a disapproving look. “Behave.” 

“I’m kidding.” Chan stole another kiss before scooting back and pulling another chair out. “Come, sit. Or, do you want to meet my coworkers actually? They’re kinda excited.” 

“I’m kinda excited,” Woojin said, holding out his hand. “Lunch can wait.” 

Their first stop was Chan’s ‘neighbor’ as he put it, the guy working in the studio right next to him. 

“Jang Yijeong,” he introduced himself, grinning. “Did you know he wrote a song about you?” 

Woojin nodded. “He sang it for me before it was finished.” 

“Well did you listen to it when it was done? I helped him finish it.” 

Chan sighed and Woojin wrapped an arm around Chan’s waist, laughing. “It was beautiful, thank you.” 

“Hey, you’re welcome.” Yijeong winked and Chan threw a pen at him from the desk. “Brat! Hey, I hear you brought him lunch?” 

Woojin looked up at Chan who simply said “what? I’m not supposed to brag about my awesome boyfriend a little.”

“Brag all you want,” he said, holding up his hands in defeat. 

“And home cooked too! What did you bring?”

“Just bento boxes, nothing too fancy.” 

“Ahhh, I’m jealous. That’s adorable, I have to get Kyungil to do that for me. Are you coming to get drinks with us next week? Chan, you’ve gotta bring him so he can meet Kyungil and everybody.” 

“Calm down, I’m bringing him!” 

“Who’s Kyungil?” 

Yijeong grinned. “My boyfriend, he’s--” 

“A model,” Chan mimicked. 

“Ya!” Yijeong threw the pen back. 

“I’m looking forward to it,” Woojin said, in an effort to distract the two. 

“Good!” 

“I’m taking him away now,” Chan said, grabbing Woojin’s hand and inching towards the door. 

“No! We were just starting to have fun,” Yijeong whined. 

“It was good to meet you,” Woojin said, waving as Chan tugged him away. “I’ll be back to hear all the good stories!” 

“Channie! I like him!” 

They stopped in three or four other offices so Woojin could meet everybody, but didn’t stay long in any of them. Nobody was quite as animated as Yijeong had been, but they all seemed nice. By the time they got back to Chan’s office to eat, Woojin was itching to get to know them better. 

“They’re a little crazy,” Chan said as soon as they were alone.

Woojin walked into his arms, pressing his face into Chan’s chest. “Thank you for this. It means a lot to me, actually.” 

“Yeah?” Chan asked, running his fingers through Woojin’s hair. 

“Yeah.” 

“If I had known, I would have introduced you sooner. I’m just thankful nobody said anything that would scare you away.” 

“Never,” Woojin teased, pulling away and grabbing his bag. “Okay, are you hungry? Really it’s nothing special, just bentos.” 

“I’m very hungry, thanks for making lunch.” 

Woojin stole one last kiss in exchange for Chan’s food, and proceeded to squeeze all the details about the people he just met as they ate. 

Chan promised more details about drinks the following week soon and Woojin walked away feeling much better, much more a part of Chan’s life. It was probably stupid, or at least he told himself it was, to be insecure about something like that, or to feel this much… relief. But he was realizing his insecurities could be dealt with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [Tumblr](http://kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on Tumblr!](http://www.kim-uwujin.tumblr.com)


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